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Forgive Your Enemy
Avoid allowing the memory of painful events to prolong negative feelings | ||||||||||
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Experiencing these negative emotions is part of the human condition. It can be hard to get rid of those feelings, especially when they are new. |
If somebody injures you physically or emotionally, it can be hard to forgive them, but allowing the negative thoughts to continue will only damage you.
Did you ever have your fingers trapped in a slamming door? Remember how badly it hurt? You know: the pain was so bad it took your breath away so you couldn't cry or curse and, when you got your breath back, breathing, crying and cursing took turns because nothing seemed to help get rid of that awful fiery pain. You felt so angry that this pain had been inflicted on you that you even felt like taking a kick at the offending door (even though the door wouldn't feel a thing and you would just have a sore toe to add to your woes).
Later on when the pain had subsided to a regular throbbing, you no longer felt like kicking the door that had caused you such pain. Fortunately, there were no broken bones but the bruising was impressive evidence of the depth of your pain for many days. Eventually the bruising faded, the pain became a mere memory and the only reminder of the accident was a permanent dent in one fingernail.
How do you feel about the door now? Do you relive the accident, remembering the pain? Do you hate that door for leaving you permanently marked by the bad experience? Do you spend time trying to think up ways to get revenge on that door? Do you keep reminding people of what that door did to you and try to persuade them that they should kick the door any time they pass it by? Of course not, you know that dwelling on this painful experience from the past is a pointless waste of energy.
As time has passed, the memory of the pain and shock have faded and the whole incident is all but forgotten. You have a minor blemish to remind you of the incident but it would be unhealthy if you used that blemish to recall the details of the accident and to feed your feelings of anger and hatred towards the door.
That is how you should treat all of life's misfortunes: if you cannot change it, let it go. If a person inflicts pain or injury upon you, work at getting over the damage. Instead of dwelling on the injury or insult and wishing harm to that person, make a conscious effort to think of other things. You might not be able to stop the memory of the pain from recurring, but it is within your power to make its stay short-lived. You might find it impossible to forgive your enemy but you can work on forgetting and refusing to dwell on any thoughts of hatred or revenge. Those negative thoughts cannot harm any person but you. Entertaining such thoughts is as pointless as wishing harm to an inanimate object but it is also dangerous because the negativity will fill you up and poison any positive feelings you have managed to cultivate.
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